


Blue for Handsome

by Thunderhel



Series: Monster Haus [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Fluff, Just because they're monsters, M/M, Magic AU, mild body horror, monster au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 06:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7674073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderhel/pseuds/Thunderhel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack finally has a day off to come visit Bitty at Samwell. It's supposed to be a good day. It' supposed to be a great day really, but most great days don't start off with two dead girls telling you to go look in a mirror. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>AU where everything is the same, but they're all monsters. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue for Handsome

**Author's Note:**

> YOOO SO APPARENTLY it’s Magic Week with something in the Check Please fandom? What?!? I was not informed. Because I don’t pay attention. This is my fault. But as I will be gone the rest of the week with no Internet I wanted to write something quick regarding [midnitedancer](http://midnitedancer.tumblr.com/) and mine’s shitty [Monster AU](http://dexondefense.tumblr.com/tagged/Monster-Au) so here it is. Written during breaks at work on loose pieces of paper and unedited, the first actual writing done for MONSTER HAUS. Featuring terrible Kitchen Witch Bitty and his Jötunn boyfriend, Jack.

“Should we tell him?”

“I don’t know…”

“Like, I would wanna know.”

“I mean, for sure, but he’s totally gonna bug out.”

“Yeah, but it’s gonna happen sooner or later.”

“Yeah, but he’s like, so adorable sleeping like that.”

“I _was_ sleeping.” 

When Bitty had first heard the voices, floating from somewhere above his head, he had assumed he was dreaming. Or maybe he had fallen asleep somewhere other than his own bed. It had taken a minute to place the unfamiliar accent, the breezy female tones, but he eventually got there. There were really only two people it could have possibly been anyway, given that he was, in fact, still in his own bed. Or two former people, really. 

Giving up any attempts at ignoring them, Bitty cracked open one eye, just enough to glare up at the two semi-transparent girls currently waving down at him. It wasn’t every day that the Haus ghosts made their presence known, it wasn’t even every week that he heard from them. Something was up. 

Or maybe the afterlife was just horribly boring and they liked to mess with him. That was Ransom’s theory anyway. 

Bitty reached over for his phone, slapping at the space for a moment before he found it. He groaned. 

It was 7 AM on a Saturday and two dead girls from the 90’s were trying to talk to him. 

“Morning Bits!” 

“How’re things?” 

“Can I help you two?” He asked, hoping his tone was enough to convey everything he was too polite to actually say out loud. 

“Uh,” Jenny, looked up at the ceiling, spinning slowly in the air as she seemed to collect her thoughts. 

Mandy smacked her gum loudly and Bitty’s glare intensified. “Okay, listen, you should probably, like, start getting ready. For today.” 

“It is 7 in the morning,” Bitty informed her, half of his face still beneath the blanket. “I do not have practice today.”

“Yeah,” Jenny interjected, “but Jack’s coming.” She waggled her eyebrows at him as he felt his face heat up. 

His relationship with Jack was still a secret from the team, but he had known from the start there were no secrets kept in this Haus from Jenny and Mandy. Ghosts were kind of sneaky like that. Ghosts also, however, loved to keep secrets more than anything, so for now he was trying to keep the panic at their knowledge at bay. 

“He’s not going to be here until the afternoon,” he told them, narrowing his eyes out of suspicion more so than annoyance now.

“Yeah, but you’re, uh…” 

“What?”

Mandy cracked her gum again. Had she died chewing it? “Go look at yourself.” 

“Girls, I think-“ Before he could finish that thought, both girls suddenly vanished. He blinked and they were simply gone. Like they had never been there at all. There was a beat and suddenly his covers were yanked away by an invisible force. He yelped at the rush of cold air, grasping desperately at the swiftly retreating sheet before giving up. 

“All right! I’m goin’!” 

Grumbling things that he _definitely_ intended for the two trespassers to hear he made his way out of his room and out into the hall. 

“Morning Bitty!”

Bitty withheld his sigh at Chowder’s chipper tone. Chowder didn’t deserve his leftover specter aggression. “Good morning, Chowder.” He gave him the best smile he could, given the circumstances. He was too distracted to catch the way Chowder froze in place on his way back to his own room, jaw dropping. 

“Uh, Bitty…”

Bitty pushed open the bathroom door, flicked on the light, and woke the entire way up. 

“WHAT ON _EARTH_.” 

Everything, his skin, his eyes, his hair, his fingernails, they were all varying shades of blue. Bitty stumbled back, nearing collapsing into the bathtub as he stared at his hands in horror. 

“What? How? When?” His shock slowly mounted into anger as he gazed as his own distorted complexion. “ _WHO_.” 

In the doorway, Chowder still hadn’t picked up his jaw, looking back and forth between Bitty and the mirror like maybe that was the key to understanding this. “Did, did you try a spell or something?”

“NO!” Bitty threw his cerulean hands in the air. “I haven’t tried any spells that weren’t baking magic in weeks! How could this have happened? WHO DID THIS?” 

“Uhh,” Chowder’s shock was shifting into something more like concern, a frown pulling his face down. “Uhh, okay, uh, I’ll get Holster and Ransom.” He turned to run up the attic steps, but Bitty stopped him. 

“YOU WILL _NOT_.”

“What the hell is going on?” Lardo appeared beneath Chowder’s arm. She yawned through her question, rubbing at one eye with the curved side of one of her claws. “Whoa.” Her black eyes went wide at the sight before her. “Dig the new look, Bits.” 

“THIS ISN’T FUNNY.” 

Lardo shifted into an easy grin, leaning against Chowder as if he were just another part of the wall. “What? It was a compliment.” 

Chowder looked to be biting his lip in an attempt not to laugh, but quickly grew somber again as Bitty glared at him. “I was just saying we need to get Holster and Ransom.” 

“Oh, yes, we most definitely need them here for this.” Lardo nodded sagely, straightening herself up. 

Bitty groaned. Chowder was one thing, but Lardo wasn’t going to let him get away with his dignity in tact. Resigning himself to his fate he collapsed on the edge of the tub, letting his blue face fall into his blue hands. 

A cold and still slightly damp hand clamped down on his shoulder. “Easy man, Holster’s an elf, they’re like, the kings of Glamour. I’m sure he can help with a temporary fix.” 

Bitty was not going to cry, he wasn’t. He nodded with his head still downcast. “You think so?”

“Maybe.” With that comforting thought, she was gone, her footsteps echoing away. Halfway up the stairs he heard her call out. _“BITTY FUCKED UP ANOTHER SPELL.”_

_“AWESOME.”_

“How did this happen?” Chowder continued his interrogation as soon as she was gone, his voice dropping down to a whisper. “Does it have something to do with Jack?” 

Bitty groaned again. Telling Chowder about his relationship with Jack had barely been more of a choice than Jenny and Mandy knowing. Even after a year of being as close to Chowder as he was, he still wasn’t completely sure about his abilities. 

Chowder was a demi-god. In fact, he was the great-grandson of the thunder god Lei-Gong. At first that seemed to only mean he could cause some minor chaos involving winds, and was able to physically separate Dex and Nursey’s fights without touching either one, but evidently Chowder had been full of surprises. 

_“You can’t hide secrets from Lei Gong, and you can’t hide them from me,”_ had been Chowder’s ~~deeply unsettling~~ cryptic greeting the first time Bitty saw him after summer break. 

“I don’t know, Chowder,” he told him honestly. “I didn’t do anything different!” He stretched out his hands in a desperate plea for understanding. “I mean, you know, I wanted everything to go well, so I baked a pie for myself so I would be ready.” He frowned, trying to remember all the magic he had baked in. “I used a little bit of good luck, and a dash of charisma, and-“ he blushed as he remembered something that sweet, innocent, Chowder -demi-god or no- didn’t need to know about, “-and uh, some…handsomeness, I think? And a little bit of a warming spell so I don’t get too cold- what is it?” 

Chowder had both eyebrows raised, obviously something occurring to him that Bitty was missing. “You tried to make yourself better looking through a magic pie?”

Bitty glared at him briefly. “Well, it just sounds stupid when you say it like that, but…sort of? I didn’t think I added that much, just a little.” He frowned at his reflection. “I look like that girl from Willy Wonka.” 

“Were you thinking about Jack when you tried to make yourself more attractive?”

Bitty rolled his eyes. “No, Chowder, I was thinking about Dex- _of course I was thinking about Jack!_ ” He hissed, keeping his voice low as he heard the attic door open again. 

Chowder didn’t say anything, but raised his eyebrows again, like that meant something. 

“What? What do you-“ Bitty stopped midsentence as he suddenly understood his mistake. “Oh. Oh my god.” 

Chowder gave him one last pitying look before moving out of way as Holster stepped into view. 

“Yo Bits, I heard you were feeling blue and needed some of the old Birkholtz Elvish charm to cheer you up.” 

Bitty crossed his arms as Ransom leaned around the doorway with a camera, snapping a picture of his blue scowling face. 

“I hate you both.”

 

Holster’s abilities with Elvish Glamour magic turned out to be the exact same as all of the rest of Holster’s Elvish abilities, which was to say absolutely terrible. 

“ _Are you sure you weren’t just adopted by elves?_ ” Ransom asked at one point. “ _And it’s just been so long, they don’t know how to tell you at this point?_ ”

“ _Bro, listen, I’ve got this!_ ” Holster had insisted after somehow making it look like Bitty had been through a fire and maybe also was part weasel, all while leaving the blue color in tact. 

In the end, after having to sit through chirps from half of his team as they filtered through to get a look at their newly blue kitchen witch, Holster managed to get Bitty’s skin color back to a normal human tone. It wasn’t a permanent fix, he had explained. It was a bit like magical makeup; just covering up what was on the outside temporarily while Bitty could work on a real solution. 

Unfortunately, Bitty knew exactly where he had gone wrong and knew the only way to undo the spell he had accidentally weaved with the pie was to wait it out. 

Holster’s glamour held for exactly five hours and forty-five minutes. 

Which was to say, forty-five minutes into Jack’s visit. 

It was supposed to be a good day, really. They had the Haus to themselves for a solid hour, and they had spent the first ten minutes of their blessed alone time locked in Bitty’s room. Jack’s ice-cold hands were under Bitty’s shirt, pressing him down into the mattress as he planted freezing kisses along Bitty’s jaw, when they hit the five hour and forty-five minute mark. 

Bitty didn’t notice the shift at first, wasn’t accustom to glamour enough to understand what it felt like when it gave out. Jack froze, his mouth stilling on Bitty’s skin as his bright blue eyes scanned over his boyfriend. 

Bitty almost asked what was wrong, bringing one hand up to cup Jack’s jaw, when he saw it. 

_“Shit.”_

“Uh, Bits…”

Bitty sighed, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment. Was he turning purple or a just a darker shade of blue? “Okay, look, there was an accident with a spell and I kind of messed up a pie-“

“You messed up a pie?” 

Bitty scowled at him between his fingers. “That’s what you’re focusing on here?”

“That’s the most unbelievable part,” Jack chirped, a dangerous smirk cutting through his concern at the situation. He looked at something above Bitty’s head suddenly, narrowing his eyes, and Bitty didn’t understand what was happening until Jack ran his fingers through his hair. He muttered something in French, his smile briefly turning more fond than terrorizing. 

“What?”

“How did you manage this?” He continued, ignoring the question. “How did you mess up a pie _this_ badly?” 

Bitty smacked his arm lightly. “The pie was _fine_. It was, uh, the magic I put in it.” 

“Why did you put Blue in it?”

“I didn’t put Blue in it!”

“Then why are you Blue?” 

“Because I thought too much about you when I tried to add some…” Bitty snapped his mouth shut, embarrassment and annoyance warring with each other in his head. 

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Some what?”

Bitty huffed. It was humiliating either way, so he decided he might as well own up to his own ridiculousness. “Handsomeness.” 

Jack’s eyes went wide, a delighted smile spreading across his face. “Handsomeness, eh?” 

Despite his humiliation, Bitty couldn’t help but smile back. It was impossible not to, really, with Jack Zimmermann looking at him with eyes that wide and a smile that genuine. The fact that it was at his expense didn’t really matter. “Oh, shut it, you.” 

Jack seemed to soften, biting his lower lip in a way that had Bitty forgetting very quickly his predicament. “So you think blue is attractive?” 

“Well, maybe not on me so much, but uh…” Bitty tried his best to keep his gaze fixed on Jack, only shifting away once. Maybe twice. 

For a moment they were both silent, Jack’s hands still solid and cold on Bitty’s bare skin and his icy breath chilling his neck, before he closed his eyes. Bitty knew what was coming, had known him for two years well, and three months very well, but it still made him catch his breath. 

Jack breathed out, one long and solid breath that was visible in the sudden chill, and opened his eyes again. The icy blue of his irises had overtaken his entire eye, only a thin ring of black around the edges. From his jaw, tendrils of pale blue began to spread out, following his veins in straight icy lines beneath his pallid skin, chasing each other across his face and down his neck. 

Bitty could feel the bite in the air, but the warming spell he had –much more carefully- laid on a few cookies that morning kept him comfortable against the sudden temperature change. He remembered the first time he had seen Jack do this, only two months into his freshman year. It had seemed horrifying and otherworldly, only solidifying his then belief that Jack was something fearful and terrifying. 

Now, it was nothing short of gorgeous. 

Jack’s serious expression shifted subtly into something more sheepish. He still looked otherworldly, Bitty decided. His skin was so pale it was translucent, ice and magic running visibly under his skin in a delicate web of pale, pale blue. 

“Now _that_ is handsome.” 

The blue along Jack’s cheeks and over the bridge of his nose deepened and Bitty felt a part of his heart melt at what he was pretty certain was a Jötunn blush. 

“I don’t know, I think you look pretty good in blue.”

“Don’t you lie to my face like this Mr. Zimmermann.” 

“I would never.” 

Bitty tried to frown, but it quickly disappeared as Jack pressed another chilled kiss to his pouting lips. “It’ll be gone in a few hours,” Bitty told him in between another two kisses. “Hope you can handle me looking like a blueberry for the rest of the evening.”

Jack grinned, pressing the tip of his nose to Bitty’s ear as he laughed. Behind them, Bitty’s window was beginning to frost over. 

“As long as I get you for the rest of the evening, I don’t really care what type of fruit you resemble.”

Bitty planned on responding to that, his mouth all ready open in an indignant gasp, but as Jack’s mouth found his, he had to admit he didn’t much care what kind of fruit or color of the rainbow he was imitating either. 

Jack was here, and Bitty didn’t much care how many spells he messed up, as long as Jack would still be around to chirp him for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Fight me/send me prompts at [dexondefense](http://dexondefense.tumblr.com/) and check out more of this [Monster AU Here.](http://dexondefense.tumblr.com/tagged/Monster-Au)


End file.
